Amazing answer based on sarcastic question

 Hi, I bought a lettuce today from you and I found this little guy inside and I was chopping it up to make a salad, I decided to name him Jeffrey. For all whom is concerned Jeffrey is alive and well and he's happily munching on some flowers as we speak. (but don't mention it to my dad it's our little secret) But anywho I decided to share this for awareness so Jeffrey's friends and family remain safe as this little guy, so they can grow into beautiful butterflies and live a long and fulfilling life.
Abigail. 




Tesco Hi Abigail,
Thank you for getting in touch with us today. I'm delighted to know that Jeffrey has been found safe and sound. We've all been quite worried about him. I'm relieved to know that you could read the name on his badge, as we had to have one specifically designed to fit a caterpillar.

See, Jeffrey is a Tesco employee, and we'd originally hired him to manage the Fruit & Veg department. I think he may have become a little too invested in the job, as we started to notice that the amount of Iceberg Lettuce we were selling didn't really add up to how many we'd ordered into the store.

Nevertheless, we couldn't prove that Jeffrey was the culprit responsible for the missing lettuce, so we kept him on, until one day... Jeffrey went missing.

We looked everywhere, magnifying glasses at hand. We had his wife on the phone to us, but I'm afraid I couldn't understand what she was saying as she's a caterpillar. I imagine she was quite upset, though. We assisted the local authorities with their investigations, but alas, Jeffrey was nowhere to be seen.

Little did we know that Jeffrey was onto us, and instead of taking the lettuce home with him, he decided to hitch a ride on one, and here he is now, safely hidden in your lettuce.

In true Tesco fashion, allow me to celebrate this occasion with a poem:

There was once a caterpillar named Jeff,
Who applied to work for a store,
He sent a CV in to Tesco Extra,
And soon heard a knock at the door.

He opened the door,
And to Jeff's surprise,
Stood a Tesco van driver,
With a van full of pies.

"Come along, mate, let's go on a ride, to the Tesco Extra where you'll now reside!"

So off Jeff went,
To the Tesco Extra store,
To be the Fruit & Veg manager,
On the Fruit & Veg floor.

Many months passed,
In the Fruit & Veg department,
But all we could wonder was where all the lettuce went,

Suspicions arose,
But nobody could prove,
That Jeff was the Emperor
Of the Lettuce's new groove.

Then one fateful day,
Poor Jeffrey was gone,
He wasn't in the Brocolli,
Nor kidnapped by a swan.

We spent many nights,
Trying to find our small friend,
We feared for the worst,
Jeff had met with his end.

But then one day,
On a Facebook wall post,
We'd learnt Jeff was alive,
And not a caterpillar ghost!

Jeff is safe and alive,
On a green salad leaf,
Thank you, Abigail, for ending our caterpillar grief.

Now that the traditional Tesco poem has ended, please send me a quick private message with your full name, address, email, store purchased from and price paid, and we'll look to get your lettuce refunded. We'll also send a chauffeur to pick Jeff up. :)

Kind regards,

Steffan - Customer Care


Tesco Hi Abigail,

Absolutely. I did send your message to Jeff's wife via email, but then I remembered that she's a caterpillar and probably doesn't have internet access. A hi-tech time-travelling pigeon is currently en-route to Jeff's house to deliver your message, and he will arrive 2 hours ago.

Kind regards,

Steffan - Customer Care